Monday, September 3, 2012

My Son Is Here

My son was born August 30th 2012!

A little early no doubt....5 weeks early. The play by play goes like this:

· 1:45pm, Routine doctor’s/ultrasound appointment. No big deal, just another appointment right? It was revealed that the umbilical cord wasn't providing enough nourishment to our little man. What he was receiving was being distributed to his brain and heart, little if any was making him fat, long, and strong.

· est 2:15, Doctor informs us that we're doing this now! I was like "Ok, like Friday or next week?". She replied..."No, like right now. I need you to get in your car and drive over to the hospital. We already have a bed in pre-op ready, I’ll be grabbing a few things myself and meet you there!"

· est 2:15:30, Wife breaks down into a puddle of jello and tears. My fight or flight kicks in...and dammit it's time to fight!

· 2:30, We arrive at the front door and are ushered back directly to pre-op. When asked if I had a camera, I answered no. I was granted a 20-25 min window to retrieve one as well as our "baby on the way bug-out-bag"

· 2:32, Civic SI is in the wind. All available horses are firmly planted to the ground, hazards turned on, 7,000 rpm shifts, speeds only limited by wind resistance!

· 2:39, Burst in through the front door of our house. Baby bug out bag, CHECK. Camera and extra batteries CHECK. Pillows, extra bra-socks-pajamas, CHECK...then my phone rings....random number...."Hello?"..."Mark?...Where are you?" (Being tactical and specific to mission data...and mainly confused and pumped on adrenaline) I replied "I'm in the living room!"..."We need you here NOW!" the voice said. I checked my watch, it had only been approximately 9 mins, something was wrong, it's go time!

· 2:40, standing in the drive way I decided that the Civic wasn’t fast enough, I went back in and grabbed the keys to the WRX. Ignition on, engine start, CHECK. Traction control off, CHECK. Hazards on, power robbing A/C off, CHECK. Pocket content confirmation...what/ wallet, no flash light, no knife, no ID, no VIP parking pass...just one loaded pistol in a IWB holster that I had forgotten to remove in the house…F&#K IT, IT’S GO TIME.

· 2:41, LAUNCHED, 300hp unleashed on the street, speedlimts were hints, and no passing zones were mere suggestions

· 2:57, slid sideways into a parking spot. Blue smoke rolling out of the hood, smelled like clutch. No time to check for fire. Chirp-Chirp, doors are locked, lets roll.

· 2:58est, the anesthesiologist was at the front door waiting. “Drop your bags and put on this gown, mask, and cap…we got to go now!” she said. I followed her instructions and we sprinted down the hallway. She flashed her badge at an unmarked door and the hallways turned to bleached white tiles…we were in the bowels of the OR department.

· 3:01, she threw her shoulder into another unmarked door (so she wouldn’t compromise her sanitized hands) and I followed. 15-18 people were in the room, fully clad in OR scrubs and wearing full face masks, in the center of the room was my wife on the operating table. “LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!” I exclaimed as everyone applauded.

I can’t begin to praise our OBGYN enough. This woman had been by our side since January when we found out we were pregnant. She was vigorously cutting her way into my wife’s stomach, and in an attempt to either put me at ease, or show me how bad-ass she really is, occasionally she would twirl her scissors like a cowboy holstering his colt revolver. I reassured my wife everything was ok during the process. Modern medicine and anesthesia is amazing, numb from the chest down, she couldn’t feel a thing. The curtain was there so she couldn’t see most of her guts still attached and laying on tray beside her. Unbelievable I was completely calm, and to reassure myself, I held up my hand to check for shaking, none found, all good.

During the operation on my wife, the doctor, and myself discussed how BMW had recently ruined the M3 by installing unresponsive electric power steering. Then we discussed her recent move to a Honda Fit. We even educated the rest of the room on the difference in gear ratios between a 5 and 6 speed manual transmissions. My wife weighing in that we’ll always be a family whose cars have clutches. Then mid sentence, the doctor stopped and said “Ready…HERE WE GO!”

And just like you peel back couch cushions to look for your keys, she opened up my wife’s midsection with Hulk-like strength and snatched my son from her insides! They laid him on a nearby table for me to see. He was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It was like looking through a telescope the wrong way into a mirror. He has almost all my features and face structure…a virtual mini-me.

·         3:09 Willie T blessed us with his presence. Planet earth will never be the same again

And that’s how it happened. We weren’t ready…but we were prepared. We were weak, but we fought the good fight and won. We didn’t have the tools or training we needed, but we adapted and overcome. In less than two hours, we were parents. We’re a family now

All we need now is for him to be strong, smart, and healthy. All he needs/wants now…well…is titties.